Forgiveness bridges a path to change

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉    Spiritual 𖧏

"Forgiveness," says Mark Twain, "is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

If we slow down and pay attention to the angst in our lives, indicators likely point to some need to forgive. Perhaps it's an elderly parent that demands too much, a teenager invaded by analien being, a stepchild that deplores us too much or a son-in-law that's wronged us too much. We cannot control any of these situations or people, but our tendency (because we are fallible humans) is to be unforgiving. We want to be angry, be right, spend waking moments (even those meant for sleep) dwelling on it--even though we  might understand harboring resentment is like taking poison and expecting others to die.

So let's measure this on the "doh" meter. Instead of valuable time we could spend on our own development, we waste our precious moments pointing fingers at and obsessing over the transgressions of others. Transgressions that are outside of our control and in most instances in the past--and each time we release the resentment toxins in our bodies we are endangering our own health?

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is letting go of the mistakes of others and our impressions of the mistakes of others (there are at least two sides to every sad story of wrong-doing) as we might hope others would let go of our mistakes. Yes, we too have done things that are unforgivable to others. Easy to say, hard to do.

How do we change our minds about something we feel so strongly about? I had the pleasure of seeing Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, renowned brain scientist and author of the best-selling My Stroke of Insight, as a keynote speaker. She explained complicated brain concepts in language that helped me change my thinking. She depicted our left brains as the side that "wants to be right" and the right side as the side that "wants to have fun." Great image from which we can picture ourselves as a nasty human in fatigues barking orders and demanding respect on one hand, and a loving angel with a halo riding a horse tossing rose petals on the other. Awareness is the first step-- negative feelings are harmful and futile--and we have a choice about where we focus our thoughts--left or right. If we ae mindful, we have the ability to notice bitterness every time it rears its ugly head and remind ourselves that we are no longer interested in cavorting.

If imagining the Jekyll and Hyde nature of my brain doesn't work, how about karma? What goes around comes around--we create our own destiny by what we think and how we act. Hmm, anger, bitterness, resentment launched from the front door in a flurry, attracting like-energy from around the world and returning nuclear on the front porch. Scary thought.

Our ability to forgive can be honed using the practice of, believe it or not, breathing. Yin yoga teaches us to sit in positions that stretch muscles, fatigue fascia and release the cricks. We can learn to send breath to the pain on the inhale and let go of the tension on the exhale. This technique also works with anger and resentment, which can appear as tightness in the chest, hyperventilating, clenched jaw, stomach distress. If we use our imagination we can even inhale forgiveness to the distressed spot and exhale the bad juju. The added benefit is that resentment actually constricts breathing and lack of breath inhibits a fully functioning brain. Breathing makes us smarter and the better person we really want to be. Right?

And it's a process. Negative thought, choice to entertain or not, breathe, release. Negative thought, choice to entertain or not, breathe, release. Repeat until cleansed.

Just think of what we can do with all that time we've spent fretting about our bitterness. There's more room to expand and fill our lives with things that make us happy, things that can change the world.