Mailbox magic

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉    Intellectual 𖧼    Spiritual 𖧏

The muffled "kerploof" of the mailbox door opening down, reveals a handwritten postcard. It says ". . . you bring me so much hope," love, Wendy." During a time of isolation and sameness, this moment feels different. I feel the comfort of 29 words of tonic warming as it descends. I feel validated, like what I do in my life makes a difference.

Surefire remedy for changing out of your cranky pants

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉    Intellectual 𖧼    Spiritual 𖧏

Yesterday was one of the hard ones. In our attempt to cut costs we made a decision to leave our insurance guy of decades for a cheaper policy elsewhere, which made me cry. And my sweetie lost a couple of pieces of business in a time when business is hard to come by, which made him worry. By the end of the day we both had changed to our cranky pants and headed for a funk.

Forgiveness bridges a path to change

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉    Spiritual 𖧏

"Forgiveness," says Mark Twain, "is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

If we slow down and pay attention to the angst in our lives, indicators likely point to some need to forgive. Perhaps it's an elderly parent that demands too much, a teenager invaded by analien being, a stepchild that deplores us too much or a son-in-law that's wronged us too much. We cannot control any of these situations or people, but our tendency (because we are fallible humans) is to be unforgiving. We want to be angry, be right, spend waking moments (even those meant for sleep) dwelling on it--even though we  might understand harboring resentment is like taking poison and expecting others to die.

Learn to sit

Emotional 𖤓    Spiritual 𖧏

The sweet dirt comes from patient composting of coffee grounds and egg shells.

Which side of the pole will you pick?

Emotional 𖤓

There's an awesome bike path close to us that has a spot on it where the turns are kinda tricky, you've got to move slowly and still stay balanced, and if I'm not clear which side of the metal post that symbolically halves the path for comings and goings, I am bound to run into it. I had to learn to make a clear decision on which side of the pole I was going to use to enter the path or I'd have a near accident every time. Life and change are a lot like that.

The power of community

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉

"We are all longing to go home to some place we have never been — a place half-remembered and half-envisioned we can only catch glimpses of from time to time. Community. Somewhere, there are people to whom we can speak with passion without having the words catch in our throats. Somewhere a circle of hands will open to receive us, eyes will light up as we enter, voices will celebrate with us whenever we come into our own power. Community means strength that joins our strength to do the work that needs to be done. Arms to hold us when we falter. A circle of healing. A circle of friends. Someplace where we can be free."

Starhawk

Find out what you own

Emotional 𖤓

If we look too close we can miss what is in the background.

She details of her tenuous living situation and the events leading up to it.

"How long into this did you know you'd made a mistake?"

"I knew in the first year," she replied.

Control is an illusion

Emotional 𖤓

The noble work of growing up uncovers the truth that trying to control outside ourselves what we struggle to control inside, is futile. The inside work of letting go our need to control is a better use of our time. 

Stuck

Emotional 𖤓    Intellectual 𖧼

"My shoulder is killing me," I whine to my massage therapist.

"Show me where on the diagram; describe the pain and when you feel it."

"To tell you the truth it's been going on for a while, it's acute today. But I've been feeling crooked for a couple of months. I think I had you work my left side just last visit."

He sits me down and starts poking around the area of pain. He hits a trigger spot.

"Ow."

"What do you suppose that is?"

"It's got to be Mom. Her life, and so my life, just gets harder and harder."

Another day is done . . .

Emotional 𖤓

. . . were you who you wanted to be?

I am enough

Emotional 𖤓

Here I sit, bowl of stew warming my left hand as I shovel with my right an assortment of mostly white vegetables recommended by Chinese medicine to fortify the lungs for the coming winter. I am preparing myself, like nature does, to return to the earth, to introspection, to letting die off those things that don't serve me well in favor of rebirth in the new year. And I've figured something out. I am enough.

Making mountains out of mole hills: catastrophizing stifles change

Emotional 𖤓

Carl Sagan told a story about early astronomers looking at a cloud covered planet Venus. They concluded it must be a tropical rain forest atmosphere much like when dinosaurs roamed the earth. Sagan mused, "Observation, we can't see a thing. Conclusion, dinosaurs." It is always helpful to get more data.

A little pleasure, a little pain

Emotional 𖤓

As luck would have it, on a day I am struggling to find the coveted happy place (instead of sitting in the malaise I'm really feeling), my wise friend Camille sends me an email thanking me for being significant in her life. She writes, “It isn’t the best of times for me, but the rough parts confirm that I am part of the human broil." Delight in a butterfly resting for an instant on echinacea, even knowing that in a few days, its bloom and the flower will be gone. 

Instead of getting good at appreciating the melancholy, we spend much of our time trying to avoid the pain. The search for the happy place is linked with our insatiable love of pleasure, sometimes to our own detriment.

Grateful, I respond, "Your words are timely. I wonder who was supposed to prepare us for a little pleasure, a little pain. I guess it's something one learns to love. I still have a ways to go. But you inspire me with your wisdom. And for that I am grateful."

Alone and short on maitri

Emotional 𖤓

Alone, insignificant, disconnected from enviable others

by internal chatter, self-loathings, often fear.

Surrounded by icons and noise, shades of superficial nothingness;

fenced by others' expectations, judgments.

Unable to love, let alone share,

the golden luster of your own light.

The wisdom of Cousin Jim

Emotional 𖤓

Jim won everyone's heart from the moment my cousin brought him to the first family gathering decades ago. It was more what he didn't say that set him apart in a family of too many talkers. Through the years he spoke when he had something to say and like E.F. Hutton, when Jim spoke we all listened.

For their 40th wedding anniversary we took them to dinner theater and as we were waiting in line I asked him his advice for staying together for such a long time in the era of disposable relationships. He thought for a while and then with a grin said, "Well you know when you get together with someone there are things you love about them and there are things you don't like so much. My advice would be to learn to live with the things you don't like so much because you're probably not going to change them, no matter how hard you try."

Emotional 𖤓

Passing out lollipops

Emotional 𖤓    Social 𖤉

There was a mysterious and delightful email in my inbox this morning and Saturday’s leisure allowed me to follow its trail. While I didn't recognize the sender’s name or address (nor anything on his LinkedIn page), based on what he mentioned in the text he obviously knew me. He mentioned having read a piece I wrote that inspired him, he knew about my writer’s hat and was using a one-page instruction I peddle in my classes outlining key actions for self-care. Following it has made a difference in his life. There was a piece of me that felt badly I couldn't remember this man, but there was a larger piece that was blown away because a person I touched, likely teaching a college course, was living better because of a connection with me.

Sweat and then rest

   Emotional 𖤓    Physical 𖧽

I try to avoid the vinyasa type of yoga. Vinyasa is the “flow” yoga, which is a euphemism for “kick-your-butt-in-75-minutes-or-less.” I admit to being intimidated by a class whose nickname is “power yoga.” Picture awkward body positions, and then envision them laced together one after another in a kind of frenetic dance.

Finding balance by prioritizing what's important

Emotional 𖤓 Social 𖤉

"You know," he says so no one can hear "the lessons we learn here in class are good for work, but they make a difference at home too."

"Wow," says me, "Can't tell you how much that means."

Learning to cry to heal the heart

Emotional 𖤓

"The body long remembers what the mind soon forgets."

Jacob Levy Moreno

I've finally learned to cry. Until a few years ago, I didn't know I didn't cry, or I guess I thought my ability to suck back the tears and figure things without them out them resulted in some kind of Medal of Honor. What I found out is my ability to move forward on the changes I’m trying to make in my life was arrested by old stuff lodged in my heart.

Loyalty to the absent . . . how gossip keeps us from being our best selves

Emotional 𖤓 Social 𖤉    Intellectual 𖧼

"Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people."

Socrates

I grew up in a family of gossips. The elders’ conversations were filled with trash talk about other sisters and brothers who were never there to defend themselves. Worse yet, they intermingled and gossiped about the ones they were gossiping with on a rotating basis. Sadly I developed distaste for one of my aunts to a large extent because the effects of gossip. Even sadder I grew ever dissatisfied with my own Mom as a result gossip.