I get overwhelmed. The alien enters my body. I shut down. I hunker down. I am unable to communicate my shutdown. I feel guilty. I am unable to receive communication from others while I'm shut down. I feel guilty. I hunker down. Time goes by. Sometimes the others stop trying. I'm thinking about Dorothy, Jani and Jeannine. Three amazing women I lost in the last 20 years because in today's terms, I ghosted them. I just stopped calling and picking up.
In the lowest expression of my energy:
- I overdo without enough down time and rest (which depletes my energy).
- I fail to inform (the nemesis of the Manifestor--if I were to consider a tattoo, I would have "inform" imprinted on my wrist).
- I default to my hermit (my profile was meant to enjoy a balance, affording me hermit time AND role model time).
- My emotional waves roll (I happen to have all 3 kinds of waves, the undulating Individual, the Tribal hope to pain crash and the Societal hope to pain pulse. It is a constant challenge not to be hijacked by my emotions).
- I avoid incoming calls, likely don't listen to messages, do not return calls (believe it or not I also have a couple of melancholy gates--Gate 22 and 57, both related to listening and one related to the fear of what will be said).
- I am paralyzed by guilt (I blame it on conditioning of an only child of a single parent).
- I surrender to the fears and difficulty letting go of my open Spleen and unaware of when enough is enough accompanying my open Sacral.
- I come to change slowly it seems.
This Human Design information is power. With it, I made a different choice than to let a friend go today. I sat down and wrote the story on thank you card, hopefully before it's too late. I tried to describe this bizarre behavior, apologized for not informing her before, and thanked her for her patience.
Tonight I sleep in peace (a Manifestor's highest form).
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