It's always true that we have some energy differences with our children. After all, an underlying premise of Human Design is that each body chart is a unique blueprint of the person that owns it, and there are no two of us exactly alike (even twins--though the depth of their differences are generally a matter of how long between their births). But it is sometimes true that we have HUGE energy differences with our children, and my experience tells me these show up in spades for both parent and child. The tale above is a tale of such a mismatch. What I saw when I finally studied their charts is that my daughter's defined Willpower went to war weekly with my granddaughter's Channel of Struggle (28-38). My daughter always won because she was the Mom. A wise must parent ask, "At what cost?"
There are endless possibilities for a mismatch of energy. Take the fact that one-half of humans are wired to make emotional decisions, an often prolonged process that involves waiting until a clear path presents itself. Unthinkable in a just do it world. Most of the other half operate from a splenic whisper or sacral growl that comes from the body in the moment. Or how about the fact that only 40% of humans are wired with willpower--the power to push something to the finish. How are the parents with willpower perceiving and dealing with their more malleable children? And then there's 55% of humans that are not here to pursue a specific purpose or direction. How many of the 45% of parents are browbeating them to set a goal and make a plan.
Parents that are unaware of the energy differences between themselves and their children are setting themselves up for a difficult or estranged relationship, especially as the child grows into their own energy. Parents that are naive to the differences are bound to condition a child to act outside their energy, and set them up for heartache or ill-health as an adult. Parents that are unwilling to consider the energy differences fail to give themselves a full chance to support the growth and development of the child they "want the best for."
During my first week looking at the body charts of all my loved ones, I found out my two daughters are both on very "individual" journeys--here for their own transformation. I am mostly "tribal," and recall how heart broken I was when they didn't have a close, bonded relationship. I all but tortured them to join the family tribe. They never did. Both daughters are Generators with open, enveloping auras. I am a Manifestor with a dense, somewhat off-putting aura and an Alpha Channel (7-31 is unlikely to share the lead). My daughters still won't tell me how it felt to have such a dominant force running the household, but the oldest leaving home to live with her estranged father 6 months before graduation might give some clue.
Later I poked around to find out about my parent/child energy. I tell you this in retrospect because we knew none of it when she was alive. It is only with the wisdom of time I can examine my trouble-filled relationship with my own mother. She was a Projector. Her job was to read the energy of others (literally penetrate and taste their auras) and either advise or organize them. Unaware Projectors are likely to tell people their opinion or what to do without permission. She was considered difficult in the family because her opinions were often critical, and spoken as fact.
As a Manifestor my job is to initiate. Manifestors detest being told what to do, or be controlled. It makes them angry. In addition, I have the Alpha Channel (7-31) that drives me to lead. Of course as an unaware Depression-era parent, she had no intention or ability to let me lead. Instead she tried to control. I was angry at her most of her life. As the years went on she felt unseen and unloved because of my ire. She didn't want me to go to college, she didn't want me to leave home. She didn't want me to breast feed the children I birthed. She died believing I loved her sister more than her. In our case, a mismatch of energies created a large hole in the fabric of our lives.
It's only with transforming eyes that I can see the immense power of my own little Emotional Manifestor grand daughter at 2. I am stunned by her presence and insistence and quickness. It is only now I can empathize with my poor unprepared Mom, and how nervous she must have felt raising an only child alone--one that she sensed had tremendous power.
My coaching clients too, bring the impact of energy differences into our sessions. Though no one is to blame for these mismatched/mishandled energy differences, they are real, and often preventable. My longest, and perhaps most successful (aligning with her own energy) client brings a perfect mismatched energy story. She is a Manifesting Generator (lots of energy, lots of drive) with a 2/4 Profile (fueled by the reflections of others). Her Sun Sign is ruled by the Gate of Love. She is here to handle crisis, feel deeply, and to love. Her Mom is an unaware Projector (here to advise and direct). Her daughter's emotions were overwhelming (and judged overdramatic), she had advice rather than admiration for a daughter that needed positive reflection. After 3 years, this client recognizes her gifts, works to transform, and still is stopped in her tracks occasionally because of the advice and criticism (new and ingrained) from an unwitting parent.
Surely one of the most promising uses of Human Design is as a tool for parents. Parents that mean well and want the best. Parents that, left to their own devices, will try to raise children to resemble themselves or the conditioning they've received instead of learning about the little human they are raising, and meeting them where they are. After all, the quality of their lives and their relationships could be at stake.
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